1/14/2010

The Last Two Months

With about a month and a half before show date I sit here in my studio thinking over the last few things to accomplish before then.

It is a strange place.

After almost a full year of sacrifice from not only myself but from all those around me I have hopefully poured everything I have into this body of work.  It has draining me to the point of compromised health and questionable sanity.  My family has been unbelievably supportive in light of all this. 

The strangness of place I mention though is that moment........that moment that you feel all the promise of the next painting and the wonder of where the work will take you next slowly disapate and you then ready yourself for the final performance.  The one night when you place your year long labors, your reputation and yourself up for review. 

That night.    

There is always that one night when you line all the work up from the last year and ponder what you could have done better, clearer or more eloquently.  This time, however, I will be going through all my journals that will be destroyed.  Between all the rants and raves of my journals are every moment that was tender, horrific or lovely.  Every moment of life, death, birth, gain and loss will be wiped away forever.  I would lie if I said I did not struggle with the decision to destroy all the work for the last 15 years.  But in the end it was what needed to be.

So before the opening, before all the work is done, before the final stroke is applied, I think of what has transpired and what is to come.  One never knows.

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